<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>What I'm Meant For by Hestia</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24916645">What I'm Meant For</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hestia/pseuds/Hestia'>Hestia</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia Being an Idiot, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Episode: S01E06 Rare Species, Protective!Geralt, dealing with feelings like adults, injured!Jaskier</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 04:34:23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,327</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24916645</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hestia/pseuds/Hestia</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>What if Jaskier never spends that coin Geralt gave him in Posada.</p><p>No matter what happened, how hungry and desperate he was, Jaskier always saves it, it’s his good luck charm. It’s a reminder than good things can always turn up in unexpected places and change your life forever.</p><p>(Please ignore the fact Lauren said the coin was to pay for the drink, I choose to go with Geralt gave it to Jaskier because nobody paid him for the songs)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>380</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>What I'm Meant For</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Sometimes ago I had a headcanon about that coin Geralt gives to Jaskier in Posada and  <a href="https://myidlehand.tumblr.com/post/616814638965882880/what-if-jaskier-never-spend-that-coin-geralt-gave">published it on Tumblr</a>.<br/>My friends suggested I should turn it into a fic and I finally did! I think this is the most dialogue I have ever written.</p><p>This is published without a beta so please let me know if there are mistakes.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Geralt barely has time to cross the Inn threshold before a big looking man accosts him. He’s been riding for three days since his last hunt, he’s tired and starving and <em> really </em> wishes he could have a hot bath before someone sets him on another meaningless drowner hunt, for the third time in a row.</p><p> </p><p>“Ah, Witcher you’re finally here!”</p><p>“Why? Do you have a contract for me?” Geralt asks, a little annoyed.</p><p>“No, I don’t. But we’ve got your bard! We’ve been waiting for you to collect him. Well… no, not exactly. Maybe, just talk some sense into him? He’s been trying to leave this morning, we’ve nearly had to tie him to the bed!”</p><p>“My bard?” Geralt asks, too startled to answer anything else.</p><p>“Yes. Aren’t you the White Wolf? The Witcher who travels with a famous bard? He’s here, upstairs. Wants to leave but he’s in no condition.”</p><p>Geralt’s heartbeat picks up a little.</p><p>“Jaskier is here? What happened to him?” he stammers, looking up as if he could find Jaskier through the ceiling, barely stopping himself from running up the stairs.</p><p>“That fool went at it with a couple of thieves right out of town. Gave time to my niece and her friend to escape back to the village to tell us what had happened. By the time we got there, they were already gone and the bard was lying half-dead on the ground! But I gather he gave as good as he got, there was plenty of blood around that wasn’t his.”</p><p> </p><p>“Fuck,” is the only thing Geralt can say, a cold shiver making his way down his spine. His eyes travel back to the innkeeper.</p><p>“We got him back to the village and put him in one of the rooms here. Our healer has been taking care of him. He slept through the night and the next day. He woke up last night for a little bit and again this morning. He was pretty adamant he needed to leave and put up a fight when we wouldn’t let him go but in the end, he couldn’t walk for long alone anyway. He’s been sleeping on and off since noon, my wife’s been checking on him.”</p><p>“How bad are his injuries?”</p><p>“The healer says he’ll live, he just needs rest. They kicked him and beat him pretty good. He’s got a couple of deep cuts, ribs are in a bad way but he’ll be okay. He’s a tough one. The girls said he fought tooth and nail to save them. They took all his money. His clothes were all over the ground but we recovered everything we could from his pack. Don’t really know if he had anything of value with him they might have taken thought.”</p><p>“His lute. Did they take it?”</p><p>“Didn’t seem interested. We got it in one piece, thankfully. He’s good with it. He sang for us the day he was attacked.”</p><p>Thank Melitele, Geralt thinks. Jaskier would not have been over losing that one.</p><p> </p><p>“He did an afternoon set but wouldn’t stay for the night. I told him not to leave late but I think, maybe he didn’t have the money to rent a room for a third night. The folks here liked him but we don’t have a lot of money to give away you see. I gave him a free meal though”, the innkeeper adds, almost as if to apologies to Geralt for letting Jaskier leave.</p><p>“It’s a good thing he was there in the end. The girls were looking for a missing sheep. Turns out it didn’t escape as they thought, the thieves had taken it. If it wasn’t for your bard coming upon them when he did, I don’t even want to think what they would have done to the girls. He did good, real good.”</p><p>Geralt has no right, he knows, but he still feels a little bit proud on Jaskier’s behalf for the praise.</p><p>“He also has a ring? Did they take it? Its gold, with a coat of arm inscribed on it.”</p><p>“Yeah, they took it. He was pretty upset about it when he woke up this morning. Seemed important.”</p><p>“It was his father’s”, Geralt answers turning his eyes back toward the second floor, sadness passing over his face. </p><p> </p><p>Jaskier had been wearing it for a little over two years now after his father had passed away. His sister and her husband had taken the head of the estate but his mother had insisted he got the ring. She wanted him to know he was still part of the Lettenhove family even if he was travelling instead of taking care of the lands. Well, that’s what Jaskier had said anyway when Geralt had complained that wearing expensive jewellery would only attract thieves on the road.</p><p>“I won’t always be here to protect you Jaskier”, he had said when they had met again after a few months apart. That was about three months before Geralt has dumped Jaskier in the wilderness on top of a mountain without even a second thought. Geralt hadn’t even known before that Jaskier was a noble. Over twenty years and he never even asked about Jaskier’s family or childhood. He knew Jaskier had been rich, with the fine clothes and even finer education but not Viscount rich. Geralt had felt a little guilty then, at least. Jaskier had told him about his father’s passing, about his mother and his sisters and their children and Geralt had never complained about the ring again.</p><p> </p><p>“You should go upstairs, he’s in the second room on the right. He’ll be happy to see you if he’s awake. Been asking for you.”</p><p>“He has?” Geralt asks eyebrows kneaded together. They didn’t exactly part in good terms, why would Jaskier ask for him?</p><p>“He’s been calling for you in his sleep. That’s how we figured you would be coming by sooner or later to retrieve him. He’s been entertaining us with his famous songs for a few days. Guess he was killing time while you were on a contract?”</p><p>“I was”, Geralt answers truthfully. He just neglects to explain Jaskier hasn’t been waiting for him at all as the innkeeper seems to believe. They haven’t even seen each other in over a year. Not since the dragon hunt. But Jaskier must have kept singing Toss a Coin if people still think they travel together. After all, it always got him the most money.</p><p>Geralt sighs, he can’t leave now. He needs to check that Jaskier will be fine.</p><p>“If he’s awake, let me know and I’ll bring something to eat upstairs for him. He wasn’t very hungry this morning but he missed quite a few meals. And when he’s feeling like company, my sister would like to thank him for saving her daughter. We’re all very grateful.”</p><p>“I’ll let him know”, Geralt says, turning to make his way upstairs.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>He waits for nearly four minutes in front of the door before he has the guts to enter the small room. Jaskier is asleep thankfully. Geralt breath falls short when he takes in his injuries. The air smells heavily of pain and blood and it makes Geralt slightly noxious, knowing it’s all coming from Jaskier. He’s lying on the bed, the blanket covering his lower half while he’s propped up a little by a few pillows. The first thing Geralt sees are the bandages around his side, binding his ribs as tightly as possible. The bandages are cream coloured and too pale on Jaskier’s sun-kissed skin. Numerous fresh bruises are peeking from under the wrappings and all over his chest. The bandages on his right bicep are stained with blood, from a deep cut made by a dagger. But when Geralt’s eyes travel upwards, the sight of Jaskier’s face makes his blood boil.</p><p>His lips are bruised and cut. The thieves had punched him quite a few times all over his face, maybe even with the pommel of a weapon, Geralt thinks. There’s a deep cut on his left cheek that’s going to leave a scar and one of his eyes is puffy, the skin around it violet and red and looks very painful. It probably had been swollen shut just the night before. Geralt itches to run his fingers on Jaskier’s cheek to smooth his pain away. But he lost that right sometimes ago and doesn’t move, breathing slowly to try to calm himself down.</p><p> </p><p>Jaskier would never have been in this situation in the first place if Geralt hadn’t abandoned him. Geralt sighs again. He wants to go after the men who did this but he can’t leave Jaskier alone. Not until he knows Jaskier is okay and his appearance does nothing to reassure Geralt of that. Jaskier will not be happy to see him but he needs to stay.</p><p>He takes off his armour and his swords and sits on the chair by the foot of the bed. Jaskier shifts a little in his sleep with a pained groan and Geralt’s eyes catch the light reflecting from something barely visible in one of Jaskier’s hand.</p><p> </p><p>The coin is held tightly in Jaskier’s palm. Geralt can’t believe he still has it after being mugged for all he has. Did he hold on to it when they were beating him up? Or did they beat him because he refused to part with it? That coin had been travelling with Jaskier for as long has Geralt had known him. Jaskier had a weird habit of rubbing it between his fingers, especially when he needed comfort. Over the years it had become smoother and smoother, so Geralt knew it was always the same one Jaskier was playing with. When he was especially scared he would bring it to his lips and whisper something to it to calm himself. </p><p>He even had once woken up in a blind panic in the middle of the night, scared to death he had somehow lost it after he’d gotten especially drunk at a party he had been commissioned to sing to. Technically it had been a wedding of some lord’s daughter or something, but Geralt had not been paying attention to the details after Jaskier had forcefully dragged him with him. The food and wine had been good though and there were only two instances where he had to pull Jaskier from certain death by furious cuckold noble. And the end of the night had gotten particularly interesting for both of them, Jaskier free to join the late party once he had been paid for the evening. </p><p>At some very late point, most people, including both of them, had been well on their way to very very drunk and it hadn’t been hard to find willing parties to entertain. Neither of them had been sober enough to learn from past mistakes and they did end up having to flee the party after being caught by the steward while fooling around with a couple of servants. It had been a fun night in the end and they had collapsed in a nearby wood after quickly retrieving Roach and running for their lives. </p><p>It was a nice memory, but Geralt also remembered waking to the smell of fear and sorrow oozing from Jaskier while he was kneeling on his bedroll, frantically tearing at his discarded clothes and all of the content of his pack thrown around carelessly, just to find that damn coin of his. And he remembered the smell of happiness and relief when he had found it and clutched it tightly to his chest. It was dark, even with the moon shining above them, they were both still a little tired and drunk and Geralt had been very confused. Around mid-morning, after they had cleaned up and left again, he’d finally had asked Jaskier about it since the bard couldn’t seem to let go of the coin at all that day. Jaskier had only answered, with a little private smile, that it was a promise that good things can always turn up in unexpected places and change your life forever.</p><p>Geralt had not been less confused after that day but hadn’t asked for more explanations. Jaskier was happy when he had the coin with him, that’s all that mattered.</p><p> </p><p>Geralt is lost in his memories when a pillow comes to hit him in the face, startling him.</p><p>“I said, what the fuck are you doing here?”</p><p>“Jaskier you’re awake!” Geralt says, raising from the chair to go to the bard, who stops him with an outstretched hand.</p><p>“Obviously yes”, he simply answers, groaning a little when he tries to readjust to his new position without one of his pillows.</p><p>“The Innkeeper told me what happened. I wanted to make sure you were recovering well.”</p><p>“Alright, well, you checked. Now go away.”</p><p>“You’re mad at me.” Geralt observes.</p><p>“Ah I see, are we playing a game of “let’s state the obvious and see how much it will annoy Jaskier today?” Because let me be honest Geralt, I have no patience for playing games with you anymore.”</p><p> </p><p>They both are quiet for a moment, gauging the other. Geralt is the first to break.</p><p>“It’s been over a year Jaskier, can we talk about this?”</p><p>“Talk about what exactly? How you left me to fend for myself after blaming me for every shit things that happened to you? Or do you want to talk about how you never even called me your friend in over twenty years but still would always expect me to give you all I have with nothing in return? Or even better, how I could never know what to expect from you because one day you would be flirting back and the next giving me the cold shoulder? Is this what you want to talk about Geralt? Or perhaps it would be better to…”</p><p>“Alright, alright I get it Jaskier. You’re furious with me and rightly so. But you’re hurt and we haven’t seen each other in a year and I really don’t want to fight with you.”</p><p>“And what if I want to fight with you? You ever thought about that? Hum?”</p><p> </p><p>Geralt stays quiet, just looking at Jaskier. What can he even answer to this?</p><p>“Gods, you’re a fucking prick, do you know that?” Jaskier finally says in a huff.</p><p>“So I’ve been told. I’m sorry.”</p><p>“For leaving me behind? You should be. At least the dwarves didn’t abandon me. They’re a fun bunch those guys but terrible singers.”</p><p>“For that and for other things I did over the years. I was wrong to act like this.”</p><p>“Oh good, those injuries actually killed me because I can’t possibly have heard Geralt of Rivia, the mighty Witcher, admit he was wrong and acted like an ass.”</p><p>“I’ve had time to think about my actions.”</p><p>“And yet you only looked for me and apologized when I was in the same inn and half dead. Convenient isn’t it?” Jaskier says, unconsciously trying to cross his arm in front of him but stopping himself when it becomes painful.</p><p>“It’s been… a complicated year.” Geralt answers uncomfortably.</p><p>“You broke my heart Geralt”, Jaskier whispers after a pause, picking at his blanket instead of looking at the Witcher.</p><p>“I know. I heard the songs.”</p><p>“You have?” Jaskier asks curiously.</p><p>“Several times actually. Performed by other bards, but I knew they were written by you. But the one about a “silver knight who stole your heart and never gave it back” was particularly… well, not subtle.”</p><p>“I know. Not my best work either. But you should hear it when I’m very very drunk, that’s when it truly shines”, Jaskier answers a little bitter.</p><p> </p><p>Neither of them has anything to add to that for a while and Jaskier grows restless in his bed.</p><p>“Help me up, will you? I need to stretch my legs. I’ve been sleeping for two days, my knees hurt.”</p><p>“I’m not sure it’s a good…”</p><p>“Give me your arm and shut it.” Geralt complies, not wanting to argue with Jaskier any more than necessary. Jaskier gets up, painfully, by bracing most of his weight on Geralt until he’s sure his own legs will carry him. Geralt is desperate to touch more than his arm but he keeps his hands to himself. After a few tentative steps, Jaskier lets go of his arm and starts to walk around slowly, an arm carefully holding his middle, the other against whatever can hold his weight.</p><p> </p><p>When Geralt is far enough from him, still waiting next to the bed, he can’t stop himself from whispering.</p><p>“Did you even miss me?”</p><p>”You know I did”, Geralt answers without even thinking, a little self-conscious.</p><p>“Would you have looked for me if Fate hadn’t forced you to find me again.”</p><p>“I…”</p><p>“Be honest Geralt. For once, with me, be honest.”</p><p>“No.” Geralt answers, quietly, not looking at Jaskier.</p><p>“That’s what I thought.”</p><p>“I’m sorry.”</p><p>“Stop saying that. It means nothing. Not anymore.”</p><p>“Jaskier. My life has been complicated. Even more so now that I found Ciri. I needed to take care of her and I needed Yennefer’s help to do that. And the situation with you was… is confusing and so complicated. I couldn’t deal with it too. But I am. Sorry I mean. I’m sorry I’ve been a coward and I rejected you that day because I wanted to protect you. I’m sorry I choose Yen over you when we obviously are not good for each other.” </p><p> </p><p>Jaskier settles against a small table, a little startled by Geralt outburst and out of breath from the pain steadily increasing from his ribs.</p><p>“I think this is the most words about your feelings I ever heard you speak.”</p><p>“I’ve grown up a bit recently. I had a lot of catching up to do.”</p><p>“This is a bit weird.”</p><p>“Trust me, it feels weirder.” Geralt answers tiredly.</p><p>“Was it Yennefer that help you discover you could actually talk about feelings and it wouldn’t burn your tongue?”</p><p>“The situation with her is a bit… tense. We both care about Ciri very much but there’s nothing more between us now. We agreed it wasn’t healthy. For either of us. At least not now.</p><p>“You sound like you still love her.”</p><p>“I do. I probably always will. That doesn’t mean she’s the right choice for me.” Geralt says, approaching Jaskier carefully and stoping only a few steps from the table. Cautious.</p><p>There’s an awkward silence between them. Things left unsaid who need to come out or they both know it’s the last time they will ever talk to each other. They can’t keep going like this, they can’t keep pretending they haven’t been stuck in a weird and confusing thing, in-between friend and more. </p><p> </p><p>“You sound different”, Jaskier comments curiously.</p><p>“I’ve spent most of the past year with my old mentor, training Ciri. He’s a good man, he helped me see things more clearly. Her too. She’s with Yen for now to train her magic. We also spend most of the winter with my brothers, who help with Ciri’s training as well. Having her at Kaer Morhen this year, things were different. I had to explain a lot to them. Things including Yen and… and you. And me.”</p><p>“That sound… complicated.”</p><p>“My school… none of us is exactly trained to deal with feelings. But they did have <em> opinions </em>.</p><p>“What did they say?” Jaskier asks, a little amused. Geralt obviously is fond of his family but maybe a little less so of their “opinions”.</p><p>“They said I was an idiot for leaving you like this and I should look for you and apologies.”</p><p>“Did they now?” Jaskier says with a small smile.</p><p>“Well, actually Eskel, Coën and Vesemir said that. Lambert called me a fucking bastard for fucking up the only good thing I ever had in my life.”</p><p>“Smart man. He’s already my favourite.”</p><p>A shiver goes through Geralt.</p><p>“Gods, you two are never allowed to meet, I fear Kaer Morhen wouldn’t survive it.”</p><p> </p><p>Jaskier’s chuckles a little at that and immediately hiss in pain.</p><p>“I’m okay, I’m okay”, he says, putting his hand on Geralt chest and pushing him away when The Witcher reaches out to him. “Step away Geralt, you’re being obnoxious.”</p><p>“Sorry”, he says, reluctantly and backs away.</p><p>“Again with the sorries. It’s not your fault my ribs hurt, is it now?” Jaskier snaps at him, a little annoyed again.</p><p>“It kind of is thought”, Geralt answers, looking shamefully at his boots.</p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p>“If… if I hadn’t abandoned you that day, you wouldn’t have been attacked.” </p><p>“What does leaving me on the mountain over a year ago has anything to do with me getting attacked two days ago?” Jaskier asked, confused.</p><p>“I should have been with you. It’s my fault you were alone to defend those girls. I should have been there. I’m sorry.”</p><p>Jaskier lets out a snort.</p><p>“Cause this is the first time I’ve ever been mugged obviously…”</p><p>“What?” Geralt asks, eyes snapping up to Jaskier’s face.</p><p>“Why do you think I carry a dagger in my boots? I’m a travelling bard Geralt. I’m on the road all the time, these things happen…”</p><p>“You never told me you’ve been mugged!”</p><p>Jaskier rolls his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“You never asked what I had been doing while we were separated. Just like you never asked anything about my past or my family.”</p><p>Geralt has the good sense to look a little guilty at that.</p><p>“I could have taught you how to defend yourself at least.”</p><p>“I’m not an infant Geralt, I know how to survive on my own.”</p><p>“You shouldn’t have to. That’s not what you’re meant for.”</p><p>“What exactly am I meant for, Geralt?” Jaskier asks through gritted teeth, irritated at Geralt for presuming things about him.</p><p>“You’re meant for court. For singing in front of people who will adore you and shower you with praises. You’re meant for the soft sheets of the countess of Stael and a life of luxury”, the Witcher answers with no hesitation.</p><p>“Am I now? And what makes you think I’m “meant” for this kind of things?” Jaskier is clearly angry and Geralt doesn’t understand why. He thought things were easing between them.</p><p>“Isn’t it obvious? You have the best education anyone can have. You have a life of fame and luxury and a family waiting for you. I won’t take you away from your responsibilities just because I want you to travel with me.”</p><p>“You know nothing of my responsibilities or my home situation Geralt, don’t presume of things you do not understand”, Jaskier answers too calmy, trying to control his rising anger.</p><p>“You’re a noble Jaskier, a Viscount, with an estate and people who depend on it. That much I can understand. I know that you’re the heir of your family now and you’re throwing your life away because you’ve been travelling with me, to rehabilitate my name and I can’t keep doing this to you.”</p><p>“Did you… for fuck sake Geralt did you leave me up that bloody mountain, blaming me for all the wrongs in your life, so I would go back to my family and that life you imagine I’m meant for?” Jaskier asks, incredulous.</p><p>“I knew you wouldn’t leave unless I hurt you bad enough. I’m not an idiot Jaskier, I know you… suspected how I felt about you. And I definitively knew you felt about me too. I have eyes and... a nose.” Jaskier flushes a little at that. “After I realised what I had done to Yennefer with that Wish, I also understood I couldn’t force you away from your own life. Especially because I chose Yen when I should have chosen you and still wouldn’t let you go. I was selfish enough to think I could have both of you.” Geralt answers, eye wide like he hadn’t meant to say so much.</p><p> </p><p>“Gods, please save me from the stupidity of Witchers,” Jaskier whispers, rubbing his eyes with his fingers. He shoves his coin on Geralt chest. “Take it!” he orders and Geralt hands come to rest above his own for a few seconds before Jaskier slips his hand out and settle back against the table.</p><p>“Do you know what this is?”</p><p>“A coin you never part with.”</p><p>“And do you know why I never part with it? Why it’s my most treasured possession? Why I fought to keep it but let go of my father’s ring when they pried it from my finger?”</p><p>Geralt shakes his head no, throat too tight to speak when he can see the cold fury in Jaskier’s eyes.</p><p>“The ring, it was a symbol. It meant a lot to me and I hate that I let them take it. I know it’ll make my mother sad when she learns what happened. But it is just a symbol. Nothing more. That I wear it or not, I know my father loved me and supported my decision to become a bard. It was never a question that my sister would be head of the estate instead of me. Who do you think paid for my bardic studies? I didn’t just turn up in Oxenfurt one day and wooed them with my amazing voice to give me a full scholarship. I could have, but that’s not what happened. The ring was a way to carry a little piece of my father with me after his passing and they shouldn’t have it. They took it from me and it feels wrong but I can’t change that. But they can’t take the knowledge that my father loved me and never tried to change me.” </p><p>Jaskier takes a breath after that.</p><p> </p><p>“After school, I had a hard time. I knew I would but it still came as a shock. I knew life would be harder since I would have to fend for myself for the first time. I was alone and I was scared to death I’d made a terrible mistake and that I couldn’t do this. I was too proud to go home but I was also hungry and miserable and seriously questioning what I was doing, why I wasn’t back home where it was warm and safe. I was young and I was lonely Geralt. </p><p>And then you showed up. Full of adventures and mysteries and I couldn’t resist you for a second. This coin, it’s the promise of a better life. Of a dream, I didn’t think I could make a reality.”</p><p>Geralt can’t take his eyes away from Jaskier. He knows what Jaskier will say next. He should have known for a long time. But he’s too afraid to ask. He doesn’t need too.</p><p>“This is the coin you gave me in Posada, the only one I got that day and your very last one too because you were at the end of your rope. It was your end and my beginning”, Jaskier says quietly, not taking his eyes away from the Witcher. Geralt forgets to breathe for a second.</p><p>“So yes, I was meant for soft things. I was meant for an easy life. To sing to lords and ladies in gold palaces while they praise me until my heart burst with pride and joy. I was meant for pretty doublets made of expensive silks. I was meant for rich food and soft beds”. Jaskier pushes away from the table and needs barely a step to enter Geralt’s space. “I was meant to love the countess of Stael.” </p><p>Geralt can’t breathe. Jaskier is so close to him. He can smell the sorrow and the hope coming from Jaskier all tangled up together. They are eye to eye and even if Jaskier is clearly in pain, being up for so long, he stands proud and tall and unwavering. One of his hands comes up to Geralt’s waist, the other to his shoulder and he leans in, his lips almost touching Geralt’s. “But I chose you.” His hand moves to come to Geral’s neck and he closes the distance separating them. </p><p>The kiss is so soft and tender and for a second Gerald can’t think or move at all before his brain catches up and he’s finally kissing Jaskier back. Nobody has ever kissed Geralt like this before and he never wants to let go of the feelings Jaskier is giving him right now. It’s so much. It’s all the pain and happiness they brought each other. It’s a promise to be better. To stop hiding, to be honest, and open. Without thinking his arms encircle Jaskier to bring them flushed together but Jaskier immediately whimpers, breaking the kiss.</p><p> </p><p>“Sorry, sorry, sorry”, Geralt says, resting his forehead on Jaskier’s, hands coming to rest on his shoulders instead.</p><p>Jaskier’s chuckles a little at that and hisses with pain again, sweat forming on his body from the effort of standing up too long.</p><p>“I think you need to lie down.” Geralt says.</p><p>“I think you need to shut up and kiss me again”, Jaskier answer without a thought, breath short from the pain and the kiss.</p><p>“I can do that while you lie down you stubborn idiot, you can barely stand up and that’s just because I’m holding you up. Come to bed with me.” Geralt answers forcefully.</p><p>“Promises, promises.”</p><p>“You’re impossible”, Geralt rolls his eyes and drags back Jaskier to the small bed, who go down without a fight even if he won’t admit he’s in a lot of pain for fear of breaking the moment. Geralt drags the chair as close as possible to Jaskier, who’s eyes are closed now, trying to control his breathing and rapid heartbeat.</p><p>“Can I help?”</p><p>“No, it’ll pass, give me a minute.”</p><p> </p><p>They stay quiet for a while. Geralt letting his eyes look at Jaskier in a way he’s never let himself look before.</p><p>“I can hear you think Geralt. Talk to me”, Jaskier asks, eyes opening and finding Geralt’s.</p><p>“Is this really what you want? You could have so much Jaskier, do you really want the monsters, the blood and the gore? Do you want to sleep on mattresses stuff with barely enough straw to call it a bed, having no home and no money to speak of for the rest of your life? You won’t regret it?”</p><p>“I made that choice a long time ago Geralt. Travelling is in my blood and in my bones, I’ve never been happy standing still. You’re a prick and you’re going to stop making stupid decisions for me because I don’t have another twenty years for you to get all your ducks in a row. And you’re going to work on a way to apologies for leaving me behind, cause one great kiss is not going to cut it. But I can deal with the monsters and the gore and the angry villagers and everything. I don’t need a home, I’ve got you. Besides, for the money, well”, he yawns and takes the coin from Geralt’s hand before closing his eyes again and settling on the bed for a nap, “I’ve got all the coins I need.”</p><p> </p><p>Geralt stays quiet while Jaskier’s heartbeat settles in a slow rhythm and after a few minutes he falls asleep, exhausted from his injuries. Maybe he can’t have Yennefer and Jaskier both like he always wanted. Maybe he fucked up things with her too bad, maybe not and only time will tell. Things were weird but alright right now with Ciri in both their lives. But if Jaskier can forgive him and give him a chance, he’ll take it. Maybe he was greedy to want everything but maybe he can have this. Geralt wraps his fingers over Jaskier’s hand, the one that holds the coin in his palm, and smiles, just a tiny bit. Maybe, if he’s very very lucky and the bard doesn’t change his mind when he wakes up, he can have Jaskier for a little while.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you for taking the time to read my little story out of all the choices you have for this pairing! I really appreciate it 😘</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>